


I will remember you with me on that field

by TheRevanchist (LadyoftheNight)



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 05:30:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1767253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheNight/pseuds/TheRevanchist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garrus remembers Shepard</p>
            </blockquote>





	I will remember you with me on that field

_Her eyes flash with delight as he attempts to pour some wine into the glasses she had randomly stashed in her cabin, but get half of the red liquid on her table.  Adrenaline is still pumping, and they've stripped off their armor into the simple jumpsuits underneath._

_"Ah-sorry."_

_"It's fine, Garrus."_

_"I'll clean that up later."_

_"Don't worry about it."  Her hand is suddenly on his, and the wine gets poured much quicker._

_"To our victory."_

_"To your victory."_

_Emotions he's not quite able to place flicker over her features, but they pass quickly enough and she settles onto the couch.  He sits next to her and allows her smaller form to lean into him._

_"We did it."  Wonder permeates her words and, for a moment, he allows himself to revel in the feeling of satisfaction that comes with surviving a suicide mission.  Unfortunately, she does not do the same._

_"How many did we lose?"_

_"Don't-"_

_"Don't you dare tell me not to think about them.  How can I not think about Kelly and Gabby?  Gardner?  All the others?  They're dead because I wasn't fast enough."_

_"We had to help Legion turn the geth against the Reapers."_

_"Did we?"_

_He is speechless at the pain in her voice.  She had always been so confident and supportive.  Her crew had turned to her, and for the first time he realized she had never been able to turn to anyone.  Kaidan would have been the closest she got, but Garrus was fairly sure that relationship had been deteriorating almost as soon as it began._

_Now Commander Shepard, the first human Spectre and hero of the galaxy, was showing him that she did need someone to lean on, at least on occasion._

_He took a moment to sip his wine and stroke her hair._

_"I want you to remember how many lives you've saved.  I want you to think about all the people who are alive and will be because of you.  We've lost some people to save them.  Ash, Kelly, and many others.  They all knew the risks, and they all decided all those other lives were worth it.  I know you want to save everyone, but sometimes that's just not an option."_

 

Suddenly, his eyes opened, and for a handful of seconds, it felt like he was back in that moment.  He had Shepard by his side and they were both fighting together.

Then memory and pain returned in one blast, and his eyes shut again.

She would never be next to him again.  Shepard was gone, but she'd managed to take the Illusive Man with her and still somehow make the Reapers draw back.

How could he blame her for sacrificing herself to save the galaxy?  She did what a small part of him had always feared she'd do.

 

The worst had been when some of the recovery crews had found security footage of Shepard on the Citadel.

_She was bruised, bloody, and looked like one gust of wind would knock her over.  She was dying, slowly, from the blood she was losing._

_But she wouldn't give up.  She would never allow herself to roll over and die, she would fight._

 

_For a few minutes during the conversation with the Illusive Man, when she felt the walls of control begin to attempt to close in around her, she despaired.  How could she keep going now?  Maybe all the fight in her was gone._

_But her strength returned when she saw the only father like figure she had ever known pushed to his knees, and she took the shot.  It was a dirty move, but worth it.  She would never have been able to allow Anderson to die in such an undignified way._

_He died anyway, but at least not execution style._

 

_Hackett's persistent voice dragged her out of her sluggish thoughts, and she began to move as much as possible.  The controls looked impossible, and vertigo seized her for several moments._

_Then she was no longer with Anderson, and some sort of transparent child was offering her three choices._

_Control: take over and do whatever she wanted, at the expense of being her._

_Synthesis: true harmony, at the expense of free will and choice._

_Destroy: peace for organics, at the expense of the geth and EDI and all other good synthetics._

 

_In the end, the decision was simple.  Her life was the least of the things that could be lost, but as she was dissolving away, becoming something so much more powerful and infinitely lonelier than Commander Shepard, she felt regret._

_Not regret for taking control, but for all her friends.  She wished she could see them, talk to them, tell them how much she cared one last time.  She wished she could hold Liara and thank her for writing the name Shepard in the stars.  She wished she could tell Grunt to be a good krogan, Wrex how happy she was for him, Kaidan that he was truly forgiven, Tali how she hoped her house would be beautiful, Jack to let herself be at peace, Miranda to stop running, Jacob to remember he was not his father, Karin to have that bottle of brandy alone, Zaeed to find himself a nice beach, James to relax, Steve to keep moving on, Samantha to keep that damned toothbrush with her at all times....there was too much to be said to too many people and only the past to hold any of those moments._

_Most of all, she wished she could feel Garrus' arms around her one more time and tell him how much she would miss him._

 

_Then she was greater, and while she remembered, there was distance._

 


End file.
